Congress in 2025: Four Big Things, Zero Big Brains

Teaser:** Congress did stuff in 2025, and shockingly, it’s still a clown show—let’s unpack the circus!

Article:
Well, folks, Congress managed to stumble through 2025 with what NBC News calls “four big things” they accomplished. Big things? More like four big piles of steaming bureaucratic nonsense. While the left-wing cheerleaders at NBC are busy polishing this turd into a trophy, let’s take a real look at what our esteemed overlords in D.C. have been up to—spoiler alert: it’s a masterclass in wasting your tax dollars while pretending to care about the Constitution.

First off, let’s talk about how Congress supposedly “reclaimed relevance” after ceding power to the White House, as The Hill so optimistically put it. Reclaimed relevance? That’s like saying a washed-up reality star reclaimed dignity by joining OnlyFans. Congress has been a rubber stamp for executive overreach for years, and now they’re patting themselves on the back for passing a few bills that mostly bloat the budget and pad their donor’s pockets. Meanwhile, House Republicans are crowing about a “great year” (thanks, Wall Street Journal), while Eric Swalwell over at Fox News accuses them of having a legislative record as impressive as a participation trophy. Pot, meet kettle—both sides are cooking up nothing but hot air.

And of course, we’ve got the usual “rules for thee, but not for me” hypocrisy. While Congress lectures us peons on fiscal responsibility, they’re flirting with government shutdowns (again!) and pointing fingers like toddlers in a sandbox. Democrats blame Republicans, Republicans blame Democrats, and we the people are stuck with the bill for their tantrums. According to Fox News, Swalwell’s whining about GOP inaction, while his party’s been perfecting the art of doing nothing since Biden’s nap times became policy. Newsflash, geniuses: the Constitution doesn’t say “pass the buck”—it says govern, so maybe try that for once.

Here’s the kicker: these “four big things” (which NBC vaguely lists as achievements like budget tweaks and minor reforms) barely scratch the surface of what Americans actually need—lower taxes, secure borders, and a government that doesn’t treat the Bill of Rights like a suggestion. Instead, we get theater, posturing, and a Congress that’s more interested in viral soundbites than solving problems. So, congratulations on your “big year,” D.C. swamp creatures. Maybe next year you’ll accidentally do something useful while tripping over your own egos.

Takeaway: Congress in 2025 is proof that even a broken clock is right twice a day, but a broken government just keeps ticking up the debt. Shut your suck hole, Eric Swalwell, and maybe read the Constitution instead of your Twitter mentions for once.

Sources Note: We’ve got the receipts, folks—straight from the horse’s mouth at NBC News, The Hill, Fox News, and The Wall Street Journal. Check the links if you want to see the clown show for yourself.

Disclaimer: This is satire, obviously. If you’re offended, take a deep breath and remember the First Amendment still exists… for now.

Published: 2025-12-31 | This is satirical content.