Gavin Newsom’s Starmer Swoon Backfires Hilariously

Newsom’s latest international crush exposes his desperation.

Gavin Newsom, California’s gel-haired governor, can’t resist fawning over failing foreign leftists, and his latest love letter to UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer is a cringe-fest of epic proportions. With Starmer’s administration imploding over cronyism scandals like the Peter Mandelson vetting fiasco...where officials were pressured to fast-track an envoy appointment...Newsom still gushed over Starmer’s “progressive vision” during a recent Zoom summit. Bro, the guy’s on the ropes, and you’re sending heart emojis?

Let’s unpack this dumpster fire. Starmer’s civil service is in open revolt, with insiders calling his leadership “worse than Boris Johnson at his worst,” per The Spectator. Mandelson, a scandal magnet, got rushed through despite red flags, and even the BBC noted the shady expediting. Yet Newsom, who can’t keep California’s streets free of literal feces, thinks Starmer’s the blueprint for “global progress.” Is this the same Gavin who promised to fix homelessness by 2025, only to see tent cities explode under his watch? Rules for thee, but not for me, huh? Your state’s a mess, and you’re simping for a British bureaucrat drowning in his own swamp.

Newsom’s obsession with foreign failures just proves he’s out of ideas. He’s not governing; he’s auditioning for some globalist TED Talk. Maybe he thinks Starmer’s cronyism is a masterclass...after all, Gavin’s no stranger to favoritism, with his French Laundry dinner during COVID lockdowns while plebs ate canned soup. Hypocrisy much? Stick to failing at home, champ, and stop fangirling over Britain’s sinking ship. Your “progressive vision” is a progressive disaster.

Shut your suck hole, Gavin Newsom. Your international boot-licking isn’t fooling anyone.

Satire. But you knew that.

Published: 2026-04-23 | This is satirical content.